What is the 10 10 10 rule in relationships

By Brian Calley

Decision-making framework by Suzy Welch: Before any major choice, ask ""How will I feel about this in 10 minutes? 10 months? 10 years?"" Applied to relationship decisions like breakups, difficult conversations, or major commitments.

Forces consideration of multiple time horizons to balance immediate emotions against long-term consequences. Supposedly prevents impulsive decisions and aligns choices with deeper values.

Strong underlying science, arbitrary timeframes: Core principle well-supported but specific intervals unvalidated.

Supporting evidence:

  • Temporal perspective interventions effectively modify decision-making
  • Multiple time horizon consideration improves decision quality
  • Future-oriented thinking reduces impulsivity and improves outcomes
  • Time perspective is trainable and modifiable

Psychological mechanism: Overcomes ""present bias"" - tendency to overweight immediate consequences. Engages prefrontal regions for long-term planning.

Limitations: No studies validate exact 10-minute/10-month/10-year timeframes. Some research suggests different intervals may be better for specific contexts.

: Solid scientific foundation for temporal perspective decision-making, though Welch's specific formulation lacks direct validation.

Instructions

10 minutes: How will you feel immediately after deciding?

10 months: Will this align with your values and goals?

10 years: Will this contribute to who you want to become?

Best practices: Use for major decisions, write responses down, adapt timeframes if needed.

About the Author

Brian Calley - Couples Therapist

Brian is a licensed couples therapist with expertise in evidence-based relationship interventions. He specializes in helping couples develop stronger communication patterns and navigate relationship challenges through scientifically-proven methods.

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