Bottom Line: Research consistently shows dating 3+ years before marriage reduces divorce risk by 50%. The perception of knowing your partner "very well" is equally important and cuts divorce risk in half. Quality and depth of relationship knowledge matter more than timeline alone.
The Magic Number: 3+ Years
The most comprehensive study by Emory University researchers surveyed over 3,000 married individuals and found dating three or more years decreased the likelihood of divorce by about 50% compared to couples who dated less than one year. Dating one to two years showed a 20% lower divorce risk, demonstrating a clear pattern: longer courtships predict better marital outcomes.
Why Time Matters
Research by Ted Huston at University of Texas followed 168 couples over 13 years, dividing them into three groups: those who courted less than one year, one to three years, and three or more years before marriage. The study revealed that sufficient courtship time allows couples to carefully evaluate each other's character, assess compatibility, identify potential conflicts, and learn how to work through problems together.
Age + Time = Success
Later age at marriage combined with longer courtship explains much of the high marital satisfaction in successful couples. Research shows the inverse relationship between age at marriage and divorce risk is "among the strongest and most consistently documented in the literature." The optimal marriage age appears to be between 28-32, with each additional year before age 32 reducing divorce odds by 11%.
Quality Over Quantity
While time matters, what you do with that time is crucial. University of Washington researchers can predict divorce with 87% accuracy using factors like relationship history, philosophy about marriage, and how well couples know each other. The strongest single predictor of marital success isn't just length of courtship, but whether couples feel they know their partner "very well" at the time of marriage.
What to Experience Together
Research emphasizes experiencing different seasons and situations together: family events, birthdays, holidays, challenges like job loss or illness, financial stress, and conflict resolution. Couples need to move beyond the honeymoon phase (which can last 6 months to 2 years) to see how they handle real-life pressures together.
Warning Signs You're Not Ready
Studies identify concerning patterns in relationships that end in divorce: ambivalence about commitment during dating, avoiding difficult conversations, being "event-driven" rather than relationship-focused during courtship, and insufficient knowledge about each other's character, values, and life goals.
Statistical Reality
Current data shows 30% of couples date for two years or less before engagement, 53% date for two to five years, and 17% date for six or more years. However, the average dating time in successful marriages is 3.6 years, suggesting the happiest couples wait longer than the general population.
Red Flags: Dating less than one year, not experiencing all seasons together, avoiding conflict, or feeling pressure to marry before truly knowing your partner's character and compatibility.
